I really hope it doesn’t bother Lisa when I take an email I wrote her and just transparently post it as a blog entry too.

• • • • •

This is the one I thought (and still think) was so hot. Becky O’Donohue. She was in the 24, but not in the 12. http://www.idolonfox.com/contestants/becky_odonohue

Damn. HOWEVER, she is NOT as hot as “Chris Daughtry Sings With Live.” Daaaaaaaamn.

Holy crap, Kellie Pickler cut her hair off. Holy crap, this Wolfgang Puck business is embarrassing.

I’m sorry. We have to pause. My life is now divided into two sections: before I saw Katharine McPhee do a duet with Mr. Loaf, and after. Can you IMAGINE if they’d sung “You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth”?! I’d pay for that.

Bucky, to no one’s surprise, messes up his one line of “Takin’ Care of Business,” a song whose lyrics are so simple that you only really need to hear it twice before you know it cold.

Yay, they gave Kat and Taylor cars. That’s so darling. And they totally looked surprised. Totally.

Oooohhhhhhhhhhh. This is Elliott singing “One.” This stupid song gives me goosebumps no matter who sings it. Argh. Manipulative bastards! Oh. It’s a hip-hop version of “One.” Mary J. Blige cannot pull off the line “lepers in your head.” Never mind.

Did Ryan just call a failed contestant a great big whore? Why, yes, I think he did.

You know, maybe it’s just the arrangement, but the six-female-finalist medley makes it really clear that Katharine was the best of the lot and Mandisa was the second-best and everyone else was just good enough to get there. Really clear. The six-male-finalist medley did not single Taylor out in this way.

What has happened to Clay Aiken’s hair?! Why does he look like Janet from “Three’s Company”? Lisa? I’m afraid.

By far the most disturbing thing that has happened in this section of my life (AISKMDADWML) was hearing Kevin sing “What’s New, Pussycat?” This boy is too young to say “pussy.” Ever.

Chris’s obvious disgust at having to sing about getting caught between the moon and New York City makes me strangely gleeful. I know it’s crazy, but it’s true.

Dionne Warwick gives me such joy. Ever since “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” her voice just makes me grin like a fool.

Okay, time has passed. I admit I got distracted. But then I got un-distracted. Big time. What is he DOING here? Does he need money?

A return to normalcy. Or, at least, the AI version of normalcy: the two finalists singing the duet love theme from the dirtiest movie I saw in a theater before 1991. It’s too bad Katharine’s wearing a drapery set and therefore couldn’t possibly do the lift.

Oh, look, Seacrest is making the dumbass point that more people vote for AI than vote for a President (by the way, it’s more votes than those for one candidate; a national election still gets more). May I just say, I am sick to death of hearing this. You have to be eighteen, registered, a citizen, and not a felon to vote for President. To vote for American Idol, you just have to have thumbs. Of course it gets a lot of votes. That’s not a sign of voter apathy. It’s a sign of math apathy. Mathpathy.

And Taylor wins and no one is surprised. Prince is already speeding away in his purple limo, frantically washing his hands to get the stench off. Seacrest’s number-five assistant is backstage, ready to hand him a Coke bottle full of gin and take the lifts out of his shoes. And Pickler totally scored some E off one of Wolfgang Puck’s newer line cooks and is hosting a rave in Carrie’s trailer.