category: cat


cat Cat = Moron.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. He’s been messing with the grates on the floor vents for weeks but doing nothing worse than making annoying noises clawing at them and occasionally pulling out a dust bunny or two.

But.

I looked over to the dining room just in time to see his tail disappear into the floor.

I freaked OUT. I took the grate off the nearest other vent, hoping somehow they were connected. I got out the treats. I called him. I wondered who you call in this situation. I wondered if cats can back up. I wondered if there was a place he could turn around, or god forbid a junction where he could get lost.

Then I saw his tail again. It was hard to do, and he was not happy, but he backed all the way out.

And I yelled at him a lot. And put a piece of furniture on the grate.

What do I do? Can I caulk them down?

cat Magic cat

I had to go into DC on Friday. Sometime between when I left the house around 11:45 and when I got home around 8, Jasper lost his collar. I went out to run some errands and got back at 10:30. Still gone (of course). I looked around for it (the last couple times it came off, I found it right away), but I couldn’t find it. I knew he hadn’t gotten out, so it had to be in the house. I figured it had come off when he’d tried to squeeze into someplace he doesn’t quite fit.

Saturday I was out from 8:45 in the morning until around 5. Got home, looked for collar, nothing. Started bitching, because the collar has his ID tag, his microchip tag, and his rabies tag on it. The ID tag costs about eight bucks at Petsmart, getting the microchip tag replaced requires emailing Bayer customer support, and the rabies tag isn’t replaceable and I’ve lost the accompanying certificate (meaning that if I were to need to take him to Canada or on a plane I’d have to have him re-immunized or something).

So I started looking in earnest. I got out a flashlight and looked behind the bookcases, under the sofa, under my bed, behind the washing machine, behind the toilet, under my dresser, and so on and so on. No collar. I did find nine of his toys and a knickknack of mine that’s been missing for months (his fault), but no collar.

Sunday I got up around 11 and came downstairs.

To find the collar in the middle of the living room floor.

I have no idea.

cat Effects of cat ownership

All framed family photos now in a box in the closet

All knickknacks now in the drawers of a table

All cobalt blue glass now in cupboards, except the tall goblet he broke today

Bookmarks now stored in a drawer instead of in antique New Orleans hurricane glass he broke last week

Series of Unfortunate Events book display not long for this world

Next order from Amazon: Museum gel intended for earthquakes

I’m sorry to remain silent so long and then use this space to complain. I’m just sad that I can’t have pretty things anymore.

cat Jasper

. . . had an operation (actually, more than one) on Friday. Here, he obligingly lies on the glass table so you can see his furless belly. Bare parts on a cat, especially when said areas are this large, are kind of weird. His coat cannot grow back fast enough for me.

Cimg2684

cat Investigations on Jasper’s behalf

I’m going away for another long weekend, and I’m feeling guilty. He’s been slightly destructive lately—nothing irreplaceable has been fully destroyed—and I figure he’s tired of his toys and needs new ones, maybe ones with a little more staying power.

So I Googled best cat toys and the first link was this page on About.com. Normally I can’t stand About.com, but Adblock makes it much, much more tolerable.

One of the toys on that list is something called the Peek-a-Prize Toy Box. I found this intriguing, because at the very least it would allow me to give Jasper some small toys without having them instantaneously placed under the range or under the refrigerator or at the base of the foyer steps where he refuses to carry them back up. It looked like a cool toy. I was turned off by the reviewer having named her cat “Jaspurr,” of course, but it looked like a cool toy.

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Simple, right? But genius, because those holes are barely bigger than paw-sized, and just difficult enough to be intriguing, and once something with a bell or squeaker was inside it’d be irresistible. I couldn’t find it online, though, for a price I wanted to pay sight unseen. There is a smaller version available for cheaper, but I was burned by the smaller version of the Crazy Circle, which just isn’t as fun as the big one. He likes it, he’s just not committed. And the Amazon reviews of the Peek-a-Prize are wildly divergent.

So I made my own. Just to see if he’d be into it.

Cimg2445

I know it looks ghetto—it’s hard to cut circles, and I guessed really wrong on the size at first and had to recut most of them—but he is deeply into it. Watch this movie. Seriously.

At the end he gets fed up and walks away, right? Except NOT. He went right back. That’s happened at least five more times. He stalks away but he can’t stay away. He hasn’t gotten anything out of it yet but he’s been at it for a solid half-hour.

I figure I’ll leave it for him for the weekend and order him the real one on Monday.

GOOD TOY.

cat Social meoworking

cat (he’s insane. just ask my friends.)

I just put some tea tree oil astringent on my feet (I know it’s weird, but I was putting some on my face and it felt nice and cool so I put some other places too) and Jasper has been chasing me trying to get at it. He wants—very badly—to lick my foot.

How on earth could tea tree oil astringent taste good?

cat A tiny aside

It’s not a real entry, okay? Don’t guilt me.

I spent four days in New York. Then we went and saw Lyle. Then we went to the beach for a week. Roughly in that order. The photos are up on the photo site. I’m completely wiped out, and I’m very glad I don’t need to travel again until September, when I go down past Blacksburg to see my parents and uncle and the Charles Vess exhibit in Abingdon.

Jasper is completely insane. I didn’t believe Cindy when she said this, but it is true. I don’t know that he wasn’t insane before he lived at her house for a week, but he probably was. All week he hasn’t slept for more than a couple hours at a time, and his vertical leap has definitely improved. He still won’t let me out of his sight.

The aside is that I made myself a Simpsons character, and that amuses me. Show me you.

Avatar

cat Today’s funniest thing

Herewith, an IM log.

Elaine, 10:41
I AM going to leave you and go watch tv on the sofa, though

Bill, 10:43
sniff

Elaine, 11:31
0.0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

11:31 11111……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Bill, 11:32
hi jasper

Elaine, 11:32
1.

11:32
0.\.

11:58
+—————————————————————–777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777774+

11:58
holy god I’m so sorry

11:58
excuse me while I laugh my ass off at the cat IMing you

cat Message from Jasper

The cat has a name. Also, he would like to be where my hands are. To wit:

ffffffffffffffffffg lllllll7\
llllllllllllll——————————

|-} ;……………………………..ÓÁˆkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll ∫ˆ••¶¶••••••••••••••••••¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶ˆ

far >