I can’t get pictures to upload properly, intermittently, so there’s a picture-laden entry and a crossword puzzle that you can’t see yet. I’ll keep trying.

I was watching (finally) the first episode of this year’s Amazing Race, and I wrote down little notes so I can remember which team is which. My notes amuse me, especially on rereading them just now, so I decided I’d share. Keep in mind that this is before anyone’s eliminated. I’ll catch up tonight on all three episodes that have aired. Please don’t ruin it for me if you happen to read this before then.

This is what I wrote. I didn’t even pause, so these are immediate snap judgments intended to help me identify the teams as they reappear, given about three inches of space to write. No team’s description takes more than one line on my little notepad. And the closed-captioner guessed on some spellings and the names didn’t appear on the screen as Phil was introducing them, so I’m sure I spelled some wrong. Sue me.

Bilal & Sa’eed—Muslim friends eliminated first, at surprise “oops we had 12 teams for some reason” halfway point
Vipul & Arti—married, Asian Indians eliminated at end of first leg, a shame as they were kind of cute
Kellie & Jamie—southern cheerleaders eliminated at end of second leg, they had really started growing on me
Duke & Lauren—father & daughter, she’s gay eliminated at end of third leg, missed it due to CBS scheduling idiocy
Tom & Terry—gay NY jews eliminated at end of fourth leg, good riddance
Peter & Sarah—she has one leg, dating triathletes eliminated at end of fifth leg, because they can’t communicate worth a shit
Rob & Kimberly—Latino, dating, he’s a dick
Dustin & Kandice—Miss NY & Miss CA eliminated unjustly considering they were competitive and smart and totally my favorite team
David & Mary—married, he’s a coal miner, hicks eliminated at end of like the billionth leg (I think eighth?) after being last three times
Erwin & Godwin—Asian jocks, brothers eliminated at end of, if my count is right, ninth leg, because they were pussies
Tyler & James—junkie models in rehab yay!
Lyn & Karlyn—black single moms hate them hate them hate them hate them thank god they didn’t win did I mention I HATE THEM

My guess for first elimination is either Tom & Terry or Kellie & Jamie. I believe Rob & Kimberly and Duke & Lauren will last longer than they deserve to.

And “junkie models in rehab” is where I decided this list was too funny not to share.

I figure I’ll just update this as we go. Why the hell not.

Edited Mon 10/2 around 7 pm to correct spelling of names as they actually appeared on screen. I also further predict I will never learn which is which between Tom & Terry, Dustin & Kandice, or Tyler & James. I also also restate with firmness that Duke and Rob really are dicks. Lastly, I think I’m rooting for Peter & Sarah or Vipul & Arti.

Edited Mon 10/2 around 8 pm to remove the first two eliminations and to change my root-fors to Peter & Sarah, despite their underhanded abuse of her disabled status, and Edwin & Godwin, whose “good karma” strategy amuses me a lot.

Edited Mon 10/2 around 9 pm to say that I don’t know what’s up with the fuckheads at CBS. The episode from last week and the episode from last night are cut off—last night’s is almost forty minutes behind schedule—because of whatever’s on before 60 Minutes. Is it football or something? This show never starts on time. I just changed my program to record a full extra hour starting next week, to make sure I get the end. Unbelievable. In any case, I have the beginning of last night’s, so I saw the recap and know it was Kellie & Jamie eliminated two weeks ago. I had to check the website to add last night’s elimination of Duke & Lauren, which I very much wish I’d actually seen.

Edited Sun 10/15 to say I finally watched last week’s and people are morons. I don’t miss Tom and Terry at all. Only better outcome would’ve been the elimination of David and Mary.

Edited Mon 10/23 to say I really like this “marked for elimination” stuff, and I don’t understand why the Cho brothers are helping David and Mary, or how anyone could like anyone so willingly unworldly. I can’t deal with people like that. If your situation keeps you from having traveled, or if your educational opportunities weren’t there, fine. Do it for yourself. Read a book every once in a while. Go to a museum. It’s not just the hicks; Kimberly didn’t know the word “mosque.” How can people live in such small universes? Also? If your team has a total of three legs, wouldn’t the person with the majority of those legs be the logical choice to CLIMB SHIT? Also? As cool as the phrase “robot camel jockeys” is, I kind of wish they’d said something on the show about why they use robots to ride in camel races: because they got hassled for decades of using orphans. Lastly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a leg before where the last leg’s first-place team came in last, and the last leg’s last-place team came in first.

Edited Mon 11/20 to say it took forever to get rid of the coal miner/’s daughter, and while it’s been obvious for so long that the final three were going to be who they are (Lyn and Karlyn are so out of there), I kind of wish Rob and Kimberly had been eliminated sooner. I just hate them.

Edited Sun 12/10 to say thank god THAT is over. GOD I hated Rob and Kimberly and Lyn and Karlyn. I missed having the BQs in the finals; that would’ve been a better race. I decided I loved the junkie models when they started arguing about whether Astor Place was technically in the Village or not. I give a lot of credit to people who’ve spent some time in the city.