My brother has somehow made almost a thousand dollars from his liger sex video on Metacafe.

I didn’t think it would come to this, but one paragraph of the AV Club’s “Book Vs. Film” column on The Golden Compass made me decide: I don’t need to see it. The one in my head is right.

In the book, Lyra’s alethiometer—the magical compass-like truth-telling device that gives the book and film their name—is repeatedly described as a “symbol-reader.” When Lyra asks it a question, its hands swing around to point at various symbols, which she has to interpret. While she shows a natural instinct at figuring out what its messages mean, it takes some time and effort to learn to read. Whereas in the film, she asks it questions and it shows her magical golden visions, and she uses it right the first time she tries. This seems like a fairly necessary change, given the visual nature of film, but I got hugely sick of it early on, especially since she consults the alethiometer a lot, and every single time, we get the same computer-animated flashes of gold sparkles with faces mixed in. I thought that kind of constant re-use of specific animated sequences went out of style 20 years ago, and in a $180 million movie, it’s pretty unforgivable. Also, whereas in the book, alethiometer-reading is portrayed as an esoteric skill that few people can manage—which is why the adults keep taking Lyra along on their dangerous adventures, since she can discover truths none of them can—the film makes it seem about as difficult as flipping a light switch.

This reinforces the other alethiometer problems I already had:

First, in the books, there’s more than one. Yes, reading it is a very rare skill, never developed naturally as Lyra develops it, but rather over decades of study, rote memorization, and the consultation of reference books. There are at least three other people in the books who have made the alethiometer their lives’ work, and the ending of the trilogy, Lyra’s future, is dependent on this point. Alethiometers are rare, not unique.

Second, you don’t ask the alethiometer a question. You move the needles to the symbols whose meanings best frame your question, and you hold those symbols’ meanings (whether they be the first, or the second, or the seventeenth) in your mind, in much the way you imagine the next step when you are climbing down a ladder and can’t see what’s beneath you. The answer comes the same way, with the other needle moving to each symbol multiple times to tell you which meaning to interpret to answer your question.

Third, it’s not magic. It’s not a compass at all (which is why the book’s title was Northern Lights originally); it’s a scientific instrument that fits perfectly into the science of the world that created it. It’s not magic at all.

Which is not to say that I’m not glad the movie is succeeding. And which is not to say I don’t still think the casting (especially Daniel Craig and Sam Elliott) is wonderful. And which is not to say I don’t very much hope they make the next two. Because I do want to see the world of the wheel-trees in The Amber Spyglass.

And which is not to say I don’t still want one.

I read this webcomic called pictures for sad children. It’s about a ghost named Paul, and a family with a strange child, and a call center that takes overflow from other call centers, and some other things. It’s lovely.

The guy who writes and draws it recently answered 50 questions in his own comic style. It’s a wonderful read.

Three example questions: